Climbing Humor

Jim Frankenfield; snowman@csac.org; 1-877-604-0166

From: John Byrnes (a.k.a. Sir Slime, apparently promoted to Lord Slime at some point)
Newsgroups: rec.climbing
Subject: Re: Is climbing better than sex

Well, this is a repost too. I didn't write all of it. And I still accept contributions (Com'on ladies, you're behind 19 to 11). So without further adieu, Lord Slime presents... The rec.climbing Compendium of:

WHY CLIMBING IS BETTER THAN SEX (a man's perspective):

1. When you climb, you only have to get yourself to the peak.
2. If you climb with someone other than your regular partner, no one gets mad, in fact, you can all three climb together and share protection!
3. You can reuse your protection, and someone else even cleans it for you, provided you don't put it in too deep.
4. There IS such a thing as being too overhung.
5. You can get belayed without first bekissing.
6. A good hand jam can be as satisfying as any other kind of jam.
7. No matter how many times you fall off, you can always climb back on.
8. Having a belay slave is not a criminal offense.
9. The rocks never expect you to call afterward.
10. Dry friction is a positive quality when you're climbing.
11. The rocks don't care if you show up late.
12. The rocks don't complain after 7 or 8 pitches.
13. When you're climbing, a good two-finger jam will support your body weight.
14. Your belayer never hesitates when you yell "TAKE!"
15. When you're climbing, weird body positions are considered "cool".
16. The rocks don't scream for help when you try for the on-sight flash.
17. The rocks don't complain when you don't want to do cracks anymore and want to do some face.
18. A three-finger pocket isn't too big.
19. You don't have to wait an hour after getting pumped-out.

WHY CLIMBING IS BETTER THAN SEX (a woman's perspective):

1) The rock is always hard.
2) Rocks are never busy watching football when you'd rather climb.
3) Rocks don't complain about the kind of protection you want to use.
4) You can go climbing with another woman and nobody will call you names or hassle you.
5) You can use ropes and harnesses and nobody will think you're kinky.
6) You can go climbing any time of the month.
7) It's over when *you* reach the peak.
8) You won't die of embarrassment if your mother finds your rock gear.
9) If it's in too deep, you can yank on a nut.
10) Nobody ever got pregnant rock climbing!
11) If you need something REAL big, you can always put in a Big Bro'!

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